Settling

I hate to see a person settle for less than what they're worth.  I saw a student I had been counseling last semester and she was back with a guy who had given her an STD, cheated on her, left her for the woman he cheated with and got the other woman pregnant.  I told myself that I couldn't be angry with her, but I was angry.  I had explained to this student to consider everything that he had put her through, consider how she allowed him to put her life in danger by giving her an STD.  I asked her to think about her future and was this guy really worth her worrying over him, but apparently he was and is, because she's back with him, even let him drive HER car; she reminds me of me a few years back.
A few years ago I was in a horrible relationship, very abusive, mentally, emotionally, sexually and physically.  I was also receiving counseling and my counselor kept telling me to stop going back to this guy, but I was ok with settling for his abuse because I thought he provided me with things that I was missing.  This guy exhibited every negative thing that could be done to another person in a relationship, yet, somehow I had convinced myself that he was the best that I could do; I bet my old counselor felt the way that I currently feel.  I just wanted to grab the girl and shake some sense into her head.  I wanted to reach out and slap some sense into her head.  I wanted to go kick the young man's ass, by the way, he's over 25 and she's not even 20 yet.  I know that none of these things will help her.  I realize that in order for her to leave him and do better for herself, she's going to have to go thru some more heartache; this young woman has already demonstrated that a little drama isn't enough to make her give up her man.  I can't be mad at her for settling, because I once settled.  I can't be mad at her for staying with a jerk, because I did the same thing and nobody could tell me any different, I had my mind made up.
There are a lot of reasons women settle for jerks, it is something about that jerk that we didn't get at home, something we think we're missing and he seems to have the answer.  We go against our beliefs, our gut feelings and we put up with unnecessary hurt and drama, all in the name of love.  It takes some of us a long time to realize how awesome we would be without that jerk, but when we finally do have that realization, life becomes beautiful once again.