Playing Games with my Heart

Yesterday I wrote a chapter in my book titled, "Playing Games with my Heart", and as I wrote that chapter I realized how lost I was or caught up (you choose).  That chapter talks about how my ex-boyfriend played a really cruel joke on me, not caring about my feelings, only his feelings and regardless of how much it hurt me, I was still able to forget about it and fall back into our normal routine.
Have you ever just sat back and thought about how you got played?  Haha, I can laugh at it now, but back then all I could do was cry.  Have you ever been in a situation, knowing you would be better off elsewhere, but you kept holding onto the "what ifs"?  As I wrote that chapter, most of those emotions and thoughts came back to me, but I continued typing, all the while thinking to myself how silly I was to be ok with such a cruel, heartless joke (to him).

Lions, Tigers and Bears

You ever think back to the songs that came out when you were in a bad place in your life? I swear we had a soundtrack to our horrible romance for 3 years and one of those songs was song by Jazmine Sullivan. Yup, Lions, Tigers, and Bears, it was the perfect song for when we decided to try our hand at another relationship. I was so afraid to love him, because of what he had already shown me, but guess what...........I went against my better judgment and fell back into the same black hole. You ever tell yourself that you won't fall for his old tricks again? I told myself that, but he had other tricks up his sleeve and I fell flat on my face.

Karma is a Mug..............

I was just sitting here thinking about my very first, real relationship.  I was living in Tallahassee, FL, at the time and this guy was amazing, but I didn't know how amazing he was until I broke up with him.  See here's the deal, where I'm at in my life right now, he was at that point in his life back then, mind you, this was 10 years ago.  My mindset was that of a young, country-bumpkin, 18 year old girl, who had no clue about how to be in a relationship.  I hadn't been taught how to act in a relationship, so I was just finding my way, but one thing I did know was that I liked having my way and if I couldn't have my way, then all hell was going to break loose. LOL. I'm seriously laughing at myself, but back then, I was no joke and I don't even know how he put up with me.  Anywho, the title of this post is about karma, and karma is a mug!  I was probably one of thee WORST girlfriends ever, but I never really thought that I was doing wrong and if I did think that I was wrong I would just make myself believe that I was right and that everything was ok - not true!  I believe that everything that I did to my ex-fiancee came back to get revenge when I dated the abuser (that's what I'll call him).  I was so mean, heartless, careless, selfish, cheating, lying girlfriend there ever was and all of those things came back and took their toll on me. SMH.
My ex-fiancee was ready for marriage, he was looking into buying us a house, he was planning for our future, but I wanted to party, drink, and do all the other things that I thought college students were supposed to do, so I did.  I've learned a lot from my many, MANY mistakes, but I do regret ever treating him the way I did; no one deserves to be treated that way.