Saturday, September 19, 2015
Abused: A College Love Story: Young, dumb and in love.........................
Abused: A College Love Story: Young, dumb and in love.........................: I work with a lot of young people, especially young women, who don't always want to talk about school work with me and their futures as ...
Young, dumb and in love.........................
I work with a lot of young people, especially young women, who don't always want to talk about school work with me and their futures as it pertains to their careers, instead, for some reason, God has put this glow on me and it makes people want to tell me their troubles; especially as it relates to relationships. I know what I've been thru, and you may know the things that I've shared, but it's hard to listen to these girls talk about their jerks, without me wanting to go find his ass and put him on blast.
Recently, I had a younger woman stop by my office in tears, I mean she was boo-hoo crying and I hadn't even had my coffee yet O_o Well, her boyfriend of the past 3 years had dumped her because he got another girl pregnant, immediately I felt her pain , but I couldn't cry with her because I've hardened over the years, yet I did empathize with her. She told me that she had been faithful to this guy and all the while, he was cheating on her with an older woman, who is married and has two other kids. I was like can this story get any worse!?
She was hurting and she wanted someone to tell her that everything was gonna be ok, I could definitely do that and I did. She also wanted me to hear her out as she told me that she was ok with playing in the role of Step-mother - at that moment, I want to slap the plaits out of her head O_o "You what!?", I said. She looked at me, as if to see if I was as serious as I sounded and I was. I asked her was she settling for an asshole! He cheated on her, he slept with another woman without using a condom and he dumped her - SMDH. I was like look, you're gonna do what you wanna do, but you're beautiful (she really is), and you're young (she's 19 and he's 23 working at a pig plant O_o), I'm sure there are tons of guys who have been waiting on you to drop the jerk.
I told her about some of my experiences and how I hadn't listened to people who were trying to educate me, except the only difference is that those people hadn't been thru what I was going thru, so they were just talking just to try to help - but here I am, telling her that I know EXACTLY what she's experiencing. I think I got thru to her, but I think that she's still ok with settling for his broke down ass. Of course you know he still calls her eveyday and he wants her back, because he's realized that he's not prepared to take care of a grown ass woman and her 2 and a half kids.
Why do people settle for the bullshit?! Is it because they're just living day to day and not thinking about the future? I think that's how I was living a few years ago. Young, dumb, and "in love".
Recently, I had a younger woman stop by my office in tears, I mean she was boo-hoo crying and I hadn't even had my coffee yet O_o Well, her boyfriend of the past 3 years had dumped her because he got another girl pregnant, immediately I felt her pain , but I couldn't cry with her because I've hardened over the years, yet I did empathize with her. She told me that she had been faithful to this guy and all the while, he was cheating on her with an older woman, who is married and has two other kids. I was like can this story get any worse!?
She was hurting and she wanted someone to tell her that everything was gonna be ok, I could definitely do that and I did. She also wanted me to hear her out as she told me that she was ok with playing in the role of Step-mother - at that moment, I want to slap the plaits out of her head O_o "You what!?", I said. She looked at me, as if to see if I was as serious as I sounded and I was. I asked her was she settling for an asshole! He cheated on her, he slept with another woman without using a condom and he dumped her - SMDH. I was like look, you're gonna do what you wanna do, but you're beautiful (she really is), and you're young (she's 19 and he's 23 working at a pig plant O_o), I'm sure there are tons of guys who have been waiting on you to drop the jerk.
I told her about some of my experiences and how I hadn't listened to people who were trying to educate me, except the only difference is that those people hadn't been thru what I was going thru, so they were just talking just to try to help - but here I am, telling her that I know EXACTLY what she's experiencing. I think I got thru to her, but I think that she's still ok with settling for his broke down ass. Of course you know he still calls her eveyday and he wants her back, because he's realized that he's not prepared to take care of a grown ass woman and her 2 and a half kids.
Why do people settle for the bullshit?! Is it because they're just living day to day and not thinking about the future? I think that's how I was living a few years ago. Young, dumb, and "in love".
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Side Effects of Abuse
The side effects of abuse are real. All this time I thought that something was wrong with me, but the side effects of abuse (emotional, physical, verbal) were having their way with me. Abuse completely changed who I was and created the Cierra you see today. I went from...........well I almost don't remember who I was because so much was going on during that time. I was growing up, maturing as a woman, at the same time I was trying to make a man love me, when I hadn't even taken the time to get to know me.
I digress...........but anyway, I've been experiencing the side effects all this time and had no idea that they were side effects. I just thought that I was acting funny. I didn't want to be around other people, not like how I used to want to be around others. This happened as a result of me trying to make myself more available to this guy who really didn't care about my availability, as long as he got him what he wanted, when he wanted it. I made so many changes to my life, because I thought it was the right thing to do. I was thinking that it would make him appreciate me more. I stopped doing the things that I enjoyed doing like: going out with my girls, talking to my family, having friends over, getting dressed up, traveling to places.........simple things. After ending that relationship, I felt lost, trapped even, trapped in my thoughts, worried about if people could see that I was lost. It was scary and it still is.
I still struggle from time to time, I know that I like certain things, but that relationship, MAN, it had me messed up! I didn't know what was right or wrong. Some of you may think that I'm exaggerating, but until you've been thru what I've been thru, just take my word for it - the shit is real. These days I'm married, so I have a partner who will do whatever I want to do, but sometimes I just like to be alone - a side effect of that nasty relationship. If I wasn't with him, and because I had pulled myself away from my friends, I tended to be alone. I can be VERY selfish! - a side effect. I was all about that guy, everything I did was in an effort to please him, shoot forget about me - that's pretty much what I told myself. Now, I can't get enough of me, which can be bad considering that I'm married and all, but I thank God for my husband - HE'S THE REAL MVP! Lol - love you baby.
I just wish I could have spared myself the headache and the heartache, but I had to go thru it, to learn, simply because I was eager and stubborn. ALL, A-L-L of the signs were there, but I had it in my mind that I was going to help him get better. Why TF did I think that O_o? LOL. Later on, somebody made a comment to me that has stuck with me - "Why are you trying to do for him what his momma couldn't do?" Chile, I was like hush your mouth! LOL. Funny thing is, his momma was always trying to figure out why I stayed with her son, and all I could ever say was that I love him. And on that cue she would roll her eyes and get back to what she was doing or change the subject.
I digress...........but anyway, I've been experiencing the side effects all this time and had no idea that they were side effects. I just thought that I was acting funny. I didn't want to be around other people, not like how I used to want to be around others. This happened as a result of me trying to make myself more available to this guy who really didn't care about my availability, as long as he got him what he wanted, when he wanted it. I made so many changes to my life, because I thought it was the right thing to do. I was thinking that it would make him appreciate me more. I stopped doing the things that I enjoyed doing like: going out with my girls, talking to my family, having friends over, getting dressed up, traveling to places.........simple things. After ending that relationship, I felt lost, trapped even, trapped in my thoughts, worried about if people could see that I was lost. It was scary and it still is.
I still struggle from time to time, I know that I like certain things, but that relationship, MAN, it had me messed up! I didn't know what was right or wrong. Some of you may think that I'm exaggerating, but until you've been thru what I've been thru, just take my word for it - the shit is real. These days I'm married, so I have a partner who will do whatever I want to do, but sometimes I just like to be alone - a side effect of that nasty relationship. If I wasn't with him, and because I had pulled myself away from my friends, I tended to be alone. I can be VERY selfish! - a side effect. I was all about that guy, everything I did was in an effort to please him, shoot forget about me - that's pretty much what I told myself. Now, I can't get enough of me, which can be bad considering that I'm married and all, but I thank God for my husband - HE'S THE REAL MVP! Lol - love you baby.
I just wish I could have spared myself the headache and the heartache, but I had to go thru it, to learn, simply because I was eager and stubborn. ALL, A-L-L of the signs were there, but I had it in my mind that I was going to help him get better. Why TF did I think that O_o? LOL. Later on, somebody made a comment to me that has stuck with me - "Why are you trying to do for him what his momma couldn't do?" Chile, I was like hush your mouth! LOL. Funny thing is, his momma was always trying to figure out why I stayed with her son, and all I could ever say was that I love him. And on that cue she would roll her eyes and get back to what she was doing or change the subject.
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