The Silence of Abuse........

My friends often wonder why I didn't speak up during the abuse and I wanted too, but I really didn't believe that anyone could possibly understand my struggle.

Inside, I was screaming for someone to understand my situation, but when I looked around at my environment and the people I associated with, I didn't think anyone would understand what I was going through.

Here I was, this young woman, attending a major university, with nothing but well-educated men and women around me.  The family that I come from wouldn't necessarily understand my situation either.

I come from a family of hard-workers, they believe in going out and making a living, no time for drama, however, whenever they're faced with drama, they would handle it and keep it moving.  The only person in my family who I believe could possibly understand what I was going through was my mother, but she was dealing with her own demons, so I had to deal with mine, on my own.

I dealt with my abuse by writing about it in my journal or writing poems that expressed my emotions, thoughts and prayers.

When I was out with friends and sisters, I enjoyed having fun, being loud and partying; but I was still alone, I still had my thoughts and that made me feel like I had no one to turn to.

If you are closely associated or related to a person who you think is a victim of abuse, begin to educate yourself about domestic abuse or find someone who is knowledgeable and helpful, because they can be a good sounding board for the victim.

Can I Be Brutally Honest?

If I am allowed to be brutally honest, I believe abuse happened to me because I wasn't strong enough to say no to it.  Although I may have verbally said "No" to him, I stayed with him, and staying with your abuser is just like saying yes.

I see so many young women staying with guys who mean them no good.  The men cheat on them, lie to them and hurt them, but then he brings on the dramatics, and we fall for it everytime.

I was no different than the young ladies I often interact with.  I was lied to, cheated on, and hurt, but I always came back to him; it was almost like I couldn't get enough of his pain.

Feeling Emotional..........

If you've never been in an abusive relationship, I pray that you remain that way, FOREVER!

I get emotional when I hear or see that another person is in a situation that can be physically, emotionally and mentally detrimental.

An abusive relationship changes you forever.

For some people, an abusive relationship makes them stronger, more aware of who they are, what their goals are, and what they need to do to accomplish them.

For others, an abusive relationship can make them think less of themselves and feel that they aren't worthy of a better reality.

Every time I hear a story about some person being murdered by an abusive spouse, I cringe, because it could have been me. 

The fact that I am still here, able to share my story, is a reason to get emotional.

When I Was In College..........

When I was in college I allowed myself to remain in a relationship that proved to be abusive within the first 3 months.

I stayed in that relationship because I was insecure about my looks and what I had to offer to the world.

My abuser recognized my insecurities because I shared these things with him and he was able to use my pain as his ammunition.

It took me 3 long years to realize that I was worth more than what he offered me (which at the time I thought it was bearable because of his "status" on campus).

I wrote a book about that 3 year relationship with hopes that my experiences will help the next college aged girl realize her worth and love her abusive relationship OR avoid the abusive relationship all together.

The book is coming soon..............