My friends often wonder why I didn't speak up during the abuse and I wanted too, but I really didn't believe that anyone could possibly understand my struggle.
Inside, I was screaming for someone to understand my situation, but when I looked around at my environment and the people I associated with, I didn't think anyone would understand what I was going through.
Here I was, this young woman, attending a major university, with nothing but well-educated men and women around me. The family that I come from wouldn't necessarily understand my situation either.
I come from a family of hard-workers, they believe in going out and making a living, no time for drama, however, whenever they're faced with drama, they would handle it and keep it moving. The only person in my family who I believe could possibly understand what I was going through was my mother, but she was dealing with her own demons, so I had to deal with mine, on my own.
I dealt with my abuse by writing about it in my journal or writing poems that expressed my emotions, thoughts and prayers.
When I was out with friends and sisters, I enjoyed having fun, being loud and partying; but I was still alone, I still had my thoughts and that made me feel like I had no one to turn to.
If you are closely associated or related to a person who you think is a victim of abuse, begin to educate yourself about domestic abuse or find someone who is knowledgeable and helpful, because they can be a good sounding board for the victim.
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Can I Be Brutally Honest?
If I am allowed to be brutally honest, I believe abuse happened to me because I wasn't strong enough to say no to it. Although I may have verbally said "No" to him, I stayed with him, and staying with your abuser is just like saying yes.
I see so many young women staying with guys who mean them no good. The men cheat on them, lie to them and hurt them, but then he brings on the dramatics, and we fall for it everytime.
I was no different than the young ladies I often interact with. I was lied to, cheated on, and hurt, but I always came back to him; it was almost like I couldn't get enough of his pain.
I see so many young women staying with guys who mean them no good. The men cheat on them, lie to them and hurt them, but then he brings on the dramatics, and we fall for it everytime.
I was no different than the young ladies I often interact with. I was lied to, cheated on, and hurt, but I always came back to him; it was almost like I couldn't get enough of his pain.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Feeling Emotional..........
If you've never been in an abusive relationship, I pray that you remain that way, FOREVER!
I get emotional when I hear or see that another person is in a situation that can be physically, emotionally and mentally detrimental.
An abusive relationship changes you forever.
For some people, an abusive relationship makes them stronger, more aware of who they are, what their goals are, and what they need to do to accomplish them.
For others, an abusive relationship can make them think less of themselves and feel that they aren't worthy of a better reality.
Every time I hear a story about some person being murdered by an abusive spouse, I cringe, because it could have been me.
The fact that I am still here, able to share my story, is a reason to get emotional.
I get emotional when I hear or see that another person is in a situation that can be physically, emotionally and mentally detrimental.
An abusive relationship changes you forever.
For some people, an abusive relationship makes them stronger, more aware of who they are, what their goals are, and what they need to do to accomplish them.
For others, an abusive relationship can make them think less of themselves and feel that they aren't worthy of a better reality.
Every time I hear a story about some person being murdered by an abusive spouse, I cringe, because it could have been me.
The fact that I am still here, able to share my story, is a reason to get emotional.
Monday, August 1, 2016
When I Was In College..........
When I was in college I allowed myself to remain in a relationship that proved to be abusive within the first 3 months.
I stayed in that relationship because I was insecure about my looks and what I had to offer to the world.
My abuser recognized my insecurities because I shared these things with him and he was able to use my pain as his ammunition.
It took me 3 long years to realize that I was worth more than what he offered me (which at the time I thought it was bearable because of his "status" on campus).
I wrote a book about that 3 year relationship with hopes that my experiences will help the next college aged girl realize her worth and love her abusive relationship OR avoid the abusive relationship all together.
The book is coming soon..............
I stayed in that relationship because I was insecure about my looks and what I had to offer to the world.
My abuser recognized my insecurities because I shared these things with him and he was able to use my pain as his ammunition.
It took me 3 long years to realize that I was worth more than what he offered me (which at the time I thought it was bearable because of his "status" on campus).
I wrote a book about that 3 year relationship with hopes that my experiences will help the next college aged girl realize her worth and love her abusive relationship OR avoid the abusive relationship all together.
The book is coming soon..............
Monday, March 21, 2016
The Power of Educators
By now you've probably realized that I'm going to talk about everything that impacts me in some way, forgive me, but I think all this stuff might help you, as well as provide some sort of therapy for me.
As you know, I work in the awesome world of Higher Education, I think I can blame this on my dad because he was always, ALWAYS pushing education down my throat (not literally). So, after 20 something plus years, I ended up working in education, which I never really saw coming, but I'm glad it happened to me. However, this post isn't really about how I got into education, it's more so about some of the teachers who played a role in my life, positive and negative.
Often times, ALL the time, I run into teachers who could give a damn about the future of their students, plus with this No Child Left Behind crap, their only goal is to get the child thru to the next grade level, where they will no longer be their responsibility. Ain't that some shit?! However, I can't really be mad at the educators for that part only because they have to abide by so many laws, guidelines and rules, that they literally just want to teach and go home. That's all well and fine, but if you're a teacher, I would hope that you realize the role you play in a child's life, if you don't, then you should.
Growing up my teachers were like local superstars to me, I looked up to these people, I would pretty much do anything they said, AND I was always trying to please them - well not always, but most of the time. On the flip side, my teachers (the ones who cared), were always trying to teach me something; they were always trying to help me realize something and those things are what I remembered the most, those things, the way they handled me and spoke to me, those are the things I try to impart on the students I come into contact with everyday.
As educators I feel we should go ABOVE and BEYOND the call of duty when it comes to our students. WHY? Because we've obviously gone and earned us an education, now it's time to give back. We know what it took for us to succeed, some of us had to overcome many life obstacles to make it happen, but we were able to do it, so we can definitely be a help to these kids. I did not know what type of kids I would be serving when I accepted my position, well, I knew that I would be working with high achieving students, but nobody told me that I would be working with kids who come from situations like I did growing up. Once I meet those students, it's on, I have to MAKE them know that I care and that I want to help. I find myself having to get real basic with them, trying to make them think about their futures. I try to make them understand that what their life is now, it doesn't have to be forever.
Most of the teachers I come into contact with now could care less; some of them are even afraid of their students and still some don't want to help them because they may not like the parents or because of the color of their skin (isn't that a damn shame?). But I see this and I take action, but it's not only me, I believe God has given me some tools and I put them to use and then I watch these kids blossom. It's amazing.
I had some great teachers growing up. Mrs. D. Bryant who was all up in yo face (smile). Mrs. L. Jones who was old school and didn't take no ish. Mrs. Chambers, who was never MY teacher, but she didn't care, she made sure you were on task when she saw you in the hall way. Ms. Fletcher, my kindergarten teacher, she was awesome and she cared so much (she made a lasting impression on me). Mrs. T. Friese, she was just like Mrs. Chambers, didn't take no ish and made sure that you learned the material. Mrs. T. House, awesome lady, awesome teacher and kept it real with you. Ms. Wilson, Mr. Arrington, Coach Bryant, Mr. H. Jones (this guy taught my dad), and the list goes on and on. I had some teachers who only saw me as less than (academically), so they didn't waste anytime with me, they didn't invest in me, and had I not been so strong-willed that stuff would have deterred me, thank God I am who I am. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about some of the students I see now. The teachers don't give a damn, so the students don't give a damn and I can't say that I blame them. What I can say is this, I use what I've been taught and I put it out there to my students, I'm an AGGRESSIVE advisor, I'm in YOUR (THEIR) face and I don't care about their feelings because I DO CARE about their future.
No, we don't get paid much, but don't let that stop you from going above and beyond. Remember, your interactions with these students are like your investment into YOUR future. Think and act wisely.
As you know, I work in the awesome world of Higher Education, I think I can blame this on my dad because he was always, ALWAYS pushing education down my throat (not literally). So, after 20 something plus years, I ended up working in education, which I never really saw coming, but I'm glad it happened to me. However, this post isn't really about how I got into education, it's more so about some of the teachers who played a role in my life, positive and negative.
Often times, ALL the time, I run into teachers who could give a damn about the future of their students, plus with this No Child Left Behind crap, their only goal is to get the child thru to the next grade level, where they will no longer be their responsibility. Ain't that some shit?! However, I can't really be mad at the educators for that part only because they have to abide by so many laws, guidelines and rules, that they literally just want to teach and go home. That's all well and fine, but if you're a teacher, I would hope that you realize the role you play in a child's life, if you don't, then you should.
Growing up my teachers were like local superstars to me, I looked up to these people, I would pretty much do anything they said, AND I was always trying to please them - well not always, but most of the time. On the flip side, my teachers (the ones who cared), were always trying to teach me something; they were always trying to help me realize something and those things are what I remembered the most, those things, the way they handled me and spoke to me, those are the things I try to impart on the students I come into contact with everyday.
As educators I feel we should go ABOVE and BEYOND the call of duty when it comes to our students. WHY? Because we've obviously gone and earned us an education, now it's time to give back. We know what it took for us to succeed, some of us had to overcome many life obstacles to make it happen, but we were able to do it, so we can definitely be a help to these kids. I did not know what type of kids I would be serving when I accepted my position, well, I knew that I would be working with high achieving students, but nobody told me that I would be working with kids who come from situations like I did growing up. Once I meet those students, it's on, I have to MAKE them know that I care and that I want to help. I find myself having to get real basic with them, trying to make them think about their futures. I try to make them understand that what their life is now, it doesn't have to be forever.
Most of the teachers I come into contact with now could care less; some of them are even afraid of their students and still some don't want to help them because they may not like the parents or because of the color of their skin (isn't that a damn shame?). But I see this and I take action, but it's not only me, I believe God has given me some tools and I put them to use and then I watch these kids blossom. It's amazing.
I had some great teachers growing up. Mrs. D. Bryant who was all up in yo face (smile). Mrs. L. Jones who was old school and didn't take no ish. Mrs. Chambers, who was never MY teacher, but she didn't care, she made sure you were on task when she saw you in the hall way. Ms. Fletcher, my kindergarten teacher, she was awesome and she cared so much (she made a lasting impression on me). Mrs. T. Friese, she was just like Mrs. Chambers, didn't take no ish and made sure that you learned the material. Mrs. T. House, awesome lady, awesome teacher and kept it real with you. Ms. Wilson, Mr. Arrington, Coach Bryant, Mr. H. Jones (this guy taught my dad), and the list goes on and on. I had some teachers who only saw me as less than (academically), so they didn't waste anytime with me, they didn't invest in me, and had I not been so strong-willed that stuff would have deterred me, thank God I am who I am. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about some of the students I see now. The teachers don't give a damn, so the students don't give a damn and I can't say that I blame them. What I can say is this, I use what I've been taught and I put it out there to my students, I'm an AGGRESSIVE advisor, I'm in YOUR (THEIR) face and I don't care about their feelings because I DO CARE about their future.
No, we don't get paid much, but don't let that stop you from going above and beyond. Remember, your interactions with these students are like your investment into YOUR future. Think and act wisely.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
It could have been ME, It should have been ME
A few weeks back I shared with everyone that I struggle with my faith very often. Sometimes I feel like God isn't there. Other times I feel like he's there, but he's watching me screw up. I continually look to him, in prayer, in conversation, and I ask him to show himself to me. I actually ask God to prove himself to me...........and he does. He shows me things in major, yet subtle ways, enough to make my eyes get big (like Ruby - inside joke between my sister Brandy and I). Like, when I think about some of the crazy stuff I did as I was trying to become the adult that I thought I should be, I really shouldn't be here right now. I was just doing some research about STDs and HIV, and I felt something say, "It could have been you". OUCH! It hurts but it's true, it really could have been me. I often get so busy thinking about what I need to do, or why hasn't something happened for me yet, but I do tell God thank you enough for the simple fact that I'm still here. I don't have cancer, I don't have HIV, I can see with both eyes, my body operates the same way it did when I was in high school (twerk team - LOL - this is a joke). I'm here. I get to share my story with you. You get to witness me transform right before your eyes. I don't say thank you enough. I don't believe enough, but I'm putting my busy work schedule on pause, just to say, "It should have been ME, it could have been ME, if it wasn't for the blood!"
Ok, back to my regularly scheduled work day :)
Ok, back to my regularly scheduled work day :)
Monday, March 7, 2016
I Lost Myself
"If you allow yourself to remain in a situation where you are constantly losing sight of who you are, you have succeeded in slowly killing yourself." - CeCi Gee
Until the moment that I gave birth to my son and hours later he died, being in an abusive relationship was the lowest point of my life. I felt hopeless, I quite literally had lost hope. I felt drained, I wanted it to be over and I just wanted to disappear. I no longer liked me and inwardly, I was ok with that. The dislike of myself did not start once I began a relationship with my ex-boyfriend, the dislike of myself came when I felt like I needed to be like everyone else. Isn't that simply crazy? Today, this is so simple to me, it makes too much sense, but less than 10 years ago I wasn't trying to see it. I was so busy trying to find myself, when at that point, I hadn't even lost myself, I just didn't like myself, so I decided to become someone else. I did things to make myself feel good, no hard drugs or anything like that, but I drank alcohol with the sole purpose of becoming EXTREMELY inebriated. I did everything I could to attract the attention of men, good men, bad men, it didn't matter, as long as they were physically attractive and could make me feel better than how I was feeling at that moment. There were times that I partied so much that I don't remember how I got from there to here, from point A to point B. What I told myself was this: I'm grown; I'm living my life; I'm having fun; There are no strings attached; I don't owe anybody anything; I don't give a fuck (I still feel this way from time to time); I felt like I was living, when really I was going thru the motions; I was losing myself. In the process of trying to find myself, I lost myself, because I wasn't happy with myself and when I thought I was coming to my senses, I really wasn't, but what I was doing was digging myself further and further into a hole. Then I met my abuser, who told me everything I wanted to hear at that time, which made it easy for me to fall for him, stay with him and love him. It would ultimately take a life-changing event that would make it easy for me to leave him, once and for all.
Until the moment that I gave birth to my son and hours later he died, being in an abusive relationship was the lowest point of my life. I felt hopeless, I quite literally had lost hope. I felt drained, I wanted it to be over and I just wanted to disappear. I no longer liked me and inwardly, I was ok with that. The dislike of myself did not start once I began a relationship with my ex-boyfriend, the dislike of myself came when I felt like I needed to be like everyone else. Isn't that simply crazy? Today, this is so simple to me, it makes too much sense, but less than 10 years ago I wasn't trying to see it. I was so busy trying to find myself, when at that point, I hadn't even lost myself, I just didn't like myself, so I decided to become someone else. I did things to make myself feel good, no hard drugs or anything like that, but I drank alcohol with the sole purpose of becoming EXTREMELY inebriated. I did everything I could to attract the attention of men, good men, bad men, it didn't matter, as long as they were physically attractive and could make me feel better than how I was feeling at that moment. There were times that I partied so much that I don't remember how I got from there to here, from point A to point B. What I told myself was this: I'm grown; I'm living my life; I'm having fun; There are no strings attached; I don't owe anybody anything; I don't give a fuck (I still feel this way from time to time); I felt like I was living, when really I was going thru the motions; I was losing myself. In the process of trying to find myself, I lost myself, because I wasn't happy with myself and when I thought I was coming to my senses, I really wasn't, but what I was doing was digging myself further and further into a hole. Then I met my abuser, who told me everything I wanted to hear at that time, which made it easy for me to fall for him, stay with him and love him. It would ultimately take a life-changing event that would make it easy for me to leave him, once and for all.
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