A few weeks back I shared with everyone that I struggle with my faith very often. Sometimes I feel like God isn't there. Other times I feel like he's there, but he's watching me screw up. I continually look to him, in prayer, in conversation, and I ask him to show himself to me. I actually ask God to prove himself to me...........and he does. He shows me things in major, yet subtle ways, enough to make my eyes get big (like Ruby - inside joke between my sister Brandy and I). Like, when I think about some of the crazy stuff I did as I was trying to become the adult that I thought I should be, I really shouldn't be here right now. I was just doing some research about STDs and HIV, and I felt something say, "It could have been you". OUCH! It hurts but it's true, it really could have been me. I often get so busy thinking about what I need to do, or why hasn't something happened for me yet, but I do tell God thank you enough for the simple fact that I'm still here. I don't have cancer, I don't have HIV, I can see with both eyes, my body operates the same way it did when I was in high school (twerk team - LOL - this is a joke). I'm here. I get to share my story with you. You get to witness me transform right before your eyes. I don't say thank you enough. I don't believe enough, but I'm putting my busy work schedule on pause, just to say, "It should have been ME, it could have been ME, if it wasn't for the blood!"
Ok, back to my regularly scheduled work day :)
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